Difficult . . .

I have written several posts lately, but never published them. . . The past couple of weeks have been difficult. I have this blog to help me through this process, but have went into my shell! After several self talks I decided to write this to LET IT OUT! :-) On my birthday my monthly friend was due and well she never showed up. I felt like she was coming because of my cramps, bloating, and nausea. . . but no. She has always shown up on time and when she didn't, I thought. . . I am pregnant! After a week of hpt (home pregnancy test) and nothing but negative, I made an appointment to go see the doctor. They did another test, and NEGATIVE! My doc walked in the room where I waited anxiously for the answer, but was disappointed when I heard the news. I held up well until she started talking more about conception, and the waterworks started! I am such a girl! LOL! After the awful appointment I called my husband who had his hopes up . . . I asked for some time to let it soak in. The morning of the appointment I gave it to God and said if you don't want me to have a baby yet, I understand. . . I really was much better than I thought I would be. So headed to the beach and STILL waiting on my friend to visit . . . almost 2 weeks late. No hpt this week. . . going to my fam doc for a blood test next week. Of course I have googled so much about this problem I am having, but only because I want an answer. I have read soooo many stories about hpt not working and body didn't ovulate so the friend didn't visit, etc. I stopped the google craze and moved to the Bible! Shouldn't go to the world for answers, but God! So, prayers are needed! By the way I will not be telling anyone till I am 10-12 weeks! I will let my family know and can't wait to say, I am pregnant!